I apologize for my prolonged absence, dear readers, but I've found myself unable to eat, drink, or sleep of late. The same malady that has so afflicted me has also robbed me of my ability to write--or rather, of my desire to write. Or rather, of my desire to write about anything but her. Her, that tantalizing vixen of the stage, that incandescent star of hipster nightlife, that melofious sultan of song! She who inflames with a look and incinerates with a smile! Oh, dear readers, she is Helen of Troy, Juliet, and Scarlet Johansson all rolled into one!
When I decided to join the hipster subculture, I had no thoughts of love, and indeed, wary of its distracting snare, sought to shield myself against it. But with one toss of her flaxen locks, she unmasked me, and when she began to sing . . . Her voice pierced my heart, and pinned it quivering to the ground.
My friends, you are lucky that I have no footage from that glorious night, for I am certain many of you would be similarly stricken. However, as one must view an eclipse indirectly lest his eyes be burned, so shall I shield you from her full blinding glory! As Fortune has it, my sweet love does not perform her own music; she is in what is known as a "cover band." More specifically, a Tulip Sweet and Her Trail of Tears cover band, cleverly called Saccharine Pansy and Her Trail of Tears.
Like many of you, I had never heard of the original band, but in sharing the below, I believe I can give you some idea of the awesome beauty of my sweet, sweet Pansy. Enjoy, dear friends, but be wary, lest even this pale imitative original prove too much to bear!
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